New, Different and Challenging!

You know after a traumatic loss of a loved one the person who is left behind often goes through what Kubler-Ross calls the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Grieving people don't always travel through these stages in progression. Many times they jump around, in and out of stages as their particular way of dealing with death becomes apparent. People respond to death differently and to tuck the emotions into neat little packages defies logic. There is no one set way we all handle our losses. Often I have a feeling of all five at the same time. Denying my need to grieve; angry that I can't control my feelings; bargaining with God, if I can only help others this hurt will leave me; sinking in to the empty feelings of loneliness of the present; then finding the acceptance of having more good days than bad. Now I don't want you all to fret, these are normal feelings of loss. It is just that I have started to reach out to my friends and I am developing new relationships and connections to the world around me and myself.

Some of the new ways I am reaching out include starting a new business and LLC with my good friend Linda Schneider. It is called Western Nebraska Consulting: LTC Nursing Solutions. The LTC stands for Long Term Care. We just finished taking the AANAC MDS 3.0 certification class in Denver and passed the exams and are awaiting our certificate of completion. There are other courses we are thinking about taking to enhance our expertise and hopefully give our new business a boost. This is quite a challenge for me at this stage in my nursing career. Hopefully, it will help make new and lasting connections to a world without Brian. I will never, ever forget him or lose that part of me. The reality is that I have to accept my new normal and live my life in a new way.

Often I feel my family thinks I am jumping off the deep end. With my recent purchase of a ATV 4-wheeler and getting a gun permit so I can purchase a handgun and take the concealed gun class this fall.  But all that this means is that I am branching out into new and different territories; to reconnect to the world around me in a whole new way. Traveling is also very high on my list to reconnect to the world and my trip to Alaska is right on the horizon.  Bon Voyage !